i don't know what to think right now but this is speaking to me... and i just want ... something i can't quite name�

"there has never been a time when i didn't want to know your name. free falling from a work in progress, free falling from a life on hold. there has never been a time when i didn't want you."
"the good witch of the north"

"i want to be happy but i don't know how. i am all fucked up and it's always the same. i always get so close, then i let it get away. i got no one but myself to blame. i'm all fucked up and i don't know why."
"all fucked up"

"i see you walking slow and simple under the big black sun. {...} you are neurotic and depressed, it doesn't mean that you're sad. you walk around oblivious to everything."
"normal like you"

"you say you wake up crying and you don't know why . . . "
"i will buy you a new life"

"she is perfect in that fucked up way {. . .} she looks like she used to be happy with the girl inside {. . .} yeah, you just take your pill and everything will be alright"
"amphetamine"

"i see you run around in circles, i see you digging your own hole. i see you fight the fights you just can't win. i see you losing self-control. what it does to me deep down inside i hope you will never know."
"sunflowers"

"yeah, you can be with me. yes, i will treat you like a queen. i will go to all those chick flick movies that i really don't want to see. yeah, you can be with me. no, i will never let you down. i will never make out with your girlfriends when i know you're not around. yes, you can be with me. yeah, i just might be the one who will treat you like you're special. i will always make you come. you can be with me. yes, i will always let you win. i will never be like those other guys. i will never be like those other guys! i will never be your unemployed boyfriend."
"unemployed boyfriend"

"i see faces on the ceiling. i see them move, i hear them singing. i lay down laughing here by myself and think about the time that i spent in hell. when i saw my brother below me, i remember the words he said: �when you need to wake up happy you better sleep right in your own warm bed.� i will be singing in the rain when my bed�s on fire� and it all goes wrong again. i will be singing in the rain when it all goes wrong again."
"when it all goes wrong"

"i will fall down like a bitch for you. i need you to hit me and make me shake. i need you to hurt me and make me beg for more. i need you to bend me and make me break. i need you to make me feel like i am your whore. i feel complete when i feel sick inside. i need to feel like i am really alive. i need you to make me feel. i need you to hit me and make me shake. i need you to hurt me and make me beg for more. i need you to bend me and make me break. i need you to make me feel like we can leave behind all those simple minds."
"misery whip"

"i am a loser geek, crazy with an evil streak. yes, i do believe there is a violent thing inside of me. she is just a girl, she is doing what she can. {...} all i want to do is lose myself in your room. all i want is just a slow fuck in the afternoon. i still see those scary guys when i am all alone at night. i kiss the ring you gave me, then i swing with all my might. {...} all the words they give her make her feel so soft and pretty. she wears them but they never ever seem to fit.{...} let's live the way we want to live and hope they go away. "
"white men in black suits"

and finally . . . .

"sometimes i get to a point where i don't give a damn about anything... anymore. sometimes i get to a point where i feel numb and i just don't care. sometimes i feel like i just don't care. i sit in my car and listen to the radio. i think about the past and it seems so long ago. i know the pain is slowly going to fade. this life is going to get better. (things are going to be better.) i wait until my ex-wife has gone away. i walk around the house getting lost inside the old day. i see a picture where everybody's smiling... i know... i got to keep it on the inside. i want to get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by. i want to get lost and i don't know why. sometimes i want to get lost and i don't know why. (sometimes i want to get lost and dream for a while.) waiting for my little girl waiting on the school bus. we're going to the movies, yeah, just the two of us. sit inside the dark and dream for awhile. our life is going to get better. (yeah, it's going to be better.) i wake up weird in the middle of the night. i walk the floor until my mind gets right. i think about the past and it makes me want to cry. i know... i got to keep it on the inside. i want to get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by. i want to get lost in the dark and dream for awhile. just sit inside a dark room and dream for awhile. the only thing that ever makes sense to me is the words to a song from an american movie. the only thing that ever made sense in my life is the sound of my little girl laughing, alive and happy in the summertime. i am just like everyone i know. i am afraid of things that i don't know. i am afraid of ever really being alone. i want to find myself a brand new heart. i want to find a girl and make a brand new start. i want to find a girl and get lost in the dark. the only thing that ever makes sense to me is the words to a song from an american movie. the only thing that ever made sense in my life is the sound of my little girl laughing through the window of a summer night. i sit alone in the backyard wishing i could be inside. just the sound of my little girl laughing makes me happy just to be alive. sometimes i am happy just to be alive."
"song from an american movie, part 2"

this guy rawks pale green stars . . .