relationships
are very frightening
in any relationship there is trust, faith, and acceptanceyou trust the other person to, at the least, be who they are.
you have faith in the reactions and behaviors that you accepted are part of who they are
if all three criteria are not met, you may have a working acquaintance,
but it is not a true relationship.
in my marriage i accepted my husband as who he was when we met
i accepted who he became,
though there were things i didn't like about both, i accepted him 'as is'.
i took the leap of trust and faith in him to do what i knew he would.
when things got uncomfortable for him, he cheated.
i knew he would and it hurt,
but there were things i could have done to make life better before he took that step and i didn't.
there were also things he could have done and he didn't, either.
what hurt more than the cheating were the lies
and the fact that he cheated with the nastiest skankiest thing he knew.
i could understand seeing something 'better'
and being unhappy enough to give in to the temptation.
this probably would have been something that we could have repaired
or at least admitted that we were not able to keep the relationship.
a better parting with less bitterness.
this was not the first time he had strayed from the marriage bed
(we were loosely separated for a month once and he did not sleep alone.)
he was honest and we worked through it and things were actually good for a long while.
now, though i am different than most,
i still have feelings and they were hurt.
badly
i simply reminded myself that this was who he was and i knew that before i signed up
i had accepted this when i accepted him.
i have never asked for anything more than
the respect of honesty
faith and trust in me
and acceptance
from anyone i have even been with.
i gave this back in spades, every time.
every time it has blown up in my face.
i can't own anyone
no one can own me
a few days ago i was faced with a question one that has turned it self around in my mind for some long nights
what is worse . . .
cheating sexually, emotionally and in person
or
cheating in one's mind?
i fully understand the answer the poser of the question gave me
"if you think of stealing you are a thief"
i see nothing wrong with looking and noticing the great smile, nice eyes, cute butt,
or lovely personality of another person
you see that there is something else out there
and you go home and see that what you have is so damn great,
you don't want anything else.
the issue arises when you imagine a life with that person.
you invest time with getting to know them and wishing that they were yours
you may never tell them, but you think it and feel it and want it.
this is wrong.
if you feel like this, you are cheating
as surely as if you booked a weekend away with that person.
this means you are lying to the one who still has faith and trust in you.
let them go.
this thought brought me to another questionone of my own
what is more understandable
cheating with some one better than what you have
or
cheating with someone so low simply because they are available.
my answer is clear but i wonder how others feel.
i will probably ask, i usually do.
if you want to answer here, feel free.