i felt it shift,
i have fallen,
i have been swallowed,
and i have felt it bathe me in heat and flames
as i stood and watched the distance grow
between who i am and what i was supposed to be.

i have felt the waves of disappointment and distaste
flow like bitter spoiled honey
from those who claim to love me
and felt like no one saw me anymore
as it swallowed me whole and ate into my soul
with such potent poison as to destroy my heart.

i have felt the hand come out of the sky
and flatten me mercilessly to the ground
just when i was sure i finally did something right
and knew, suddenly, and with such swift sureness
that i was oh, so wrong.

i have seen the color world turn
not black-and-white,
but a rich, dark sepia
that bleed the life out of even my dreams.

i have seen all this and more.

i lived.

fuck.them.all.baby.