i want to feel strong arms around me

i need to feel special again

i long for sign of contentment
and the press of warm lips on the top of my head

i want to wind the good feeling i had
around my body
so i can feel it in my heart

there is nothing like the smell of someone you love
it fills up your being
and takes you away from the prickly heat of summer
the cold bite of winter
the rough seat beneath your bare thigh
the damp feeling of your hands and feet
the low hum of the machines around you
and the nagging pain in the back of your buzzing head.

it takes away everything
but you
and them
and the small space between you

there are infinite possibilities lying in these seconds

like watch your life flash by
only this is not what was
but rather what could be

and though you are here now
snoring gently in the other room
there is a space between us that grows
then shrinks
only to grow again
bringing tidal waves of emotion

learn to swim learn to swim learn to swim learn to swim learn to swim

i can't make the thoughts and fears stop filling me up
making me hard
cautioning me to distance myself
from inevitable pain

but like my cards
they are not whispers on the winds of fate
they are not carved in the annals of time
they haven't been committed to the final draft
as this book is not yet written.

they are but reminders
signposts, if you will
of the road we are traveling.

they mark the paths we choose
and warn of the destination that will follow
should we not detour
to another, brighter, thoroughfare
one we can walk on together
hand-in-hand
rather than leading, following
pushing, pulling.

i need to walk beside you
i need to trade lessons
knowledge
joys and sorrows
all those things that came to us
before we came to each other.

i need to see your dedication
not hear your 'forever's.

i need to feel your love
not hear your 'forever's.

i need to know you are back for good
not hear your 'forever's.

words are just sounds you make with your face

actions have meanings that come from your soul.